Mormons always get ripped off by some crooked Douchebag!

July 4, 2008

For a variety of reasons Mormons tend to be very trusting of authority figures. There are a couple hundred thousand Mormons who get regularly ripped off by a Ponzi, Multi-Level Marketing, or Real Estate scheme and it really makes me want to shake the bitches off their foundations. Its not hard to sniff out a scheme, if someone says you’ll double your money they’re lying and if they’re presenting to you in your living room like Uncle Rico in Napolean Dynamite, please make them leave. Use your intuition, pray to god even, just ummm, don’t get fucked over like these people.

Check out this total Douchebag:

Val Southwick was sentenced Thursday to one year to 15 years in prison for each of the nine counts of securities fraud. The punishments are to be served consecutively.

He’s be at it forever:

The scheme is described as one of the largest Ponzi operations in Utah history, lasting more than 17 years and involving more than 800 people.

He had massages (also known as “hand jobs”) and paid his church tithing with ill-gotten-gains:

Southwick used money to pay for a mortgage, massages, vacations, medical and legal expenses, a large collection of cars and church tithing. He stopped paying investors in 2006 and claims to have been working to recoup their losses ever since.

The mayor of Odgen is a Douchebag:

Among them was Ogden Mayor Matthew Godfrey, who urged the judge to keep Southwick out of prison. Godfrey said Southwick wasn’t an “evil man” and his incarceration could bump violent criminals from beds in Utah’s overcrowded prison.
Allow him to serve his time working to pay back investors,” Godfrey said, drawing jeers from the packed courtroom.

To recap, he’s 63, been doing it for almost 20 years, he pays his tithing and buys Mormon goods with the monies he stole from other Mormons but please go “soft” on him cause he’s a good guy and after all, he’s selling his Book of Mormon bookends to make “good”. This happens all the time to trusting Mormons. Its a damn shame.


Why am I a Jack Mormon?

June 30, 2008

Some may wonder exactly what a Jack Mormon is, maybe I should have covered this topic earlier? To cut to the quick, a Jack Mormon loosely associates himself with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (also known as Mormon) but does not follow any of the day to day practices, like paying tithing, abstaining from smoke or drink, and has no problem indulging in the flesh (outside the marriage covenant).

Check out its definition on Urban Dictionary (on of my favorite Internet site sources).

A legitimate question springs to mind, why do you feel it necessary to associate yourself with the Church while you obviously do not believe in or practice Its teachings?

Good question, maybe because I know David Archuleta, John Heder, Ryan Gosling, and Amy Adams are card carrying Mormons. That’s reason enough for me and now you know what a Jack Mormon is.

This is also a reason why I’m a Jack Mormon (I share the same first name):