Why am I a Jack Mormon?

June 30, 2008

Some may wonder exactly what a Jack Mormon is, maybe I should have covered this topic earlier? To cut to the quick, a Jack Mormon loosely associates himself with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (also known as Mormon) but does not follow any of the day to day practices, like paying tithing, abstaining from smoke or drink, and has no problem indulging in the flesh (outside the marriage covenant).

Check out its definition on Urban Dictionary (on of my favorite Internet site sources).

A legitimate question springs to mind, why do you feel it necessary to associate yourself with the Church while you obviously do not believe in or practice Its teachings?

Good question, maybe because I know David Archuleta, John Heder, Ryan Gosling, and Amy Adams are card carrying Mormons. That’s reason enough for me and now you know what a Jack Mormon is.

This is also a reason why I’m a Jack Mormon (I share the same first name):

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I Can’t! I’m Mormon!

June 26, 2008

But we all know you would if you could…. well, I was taught in Sunbeams that if you thought it, you did it. I think this fully clothed seductress (shown below):

should think bad thoughts and proceed to have sex with me.

You think I’m making this stuff up but let me present this little article on said topic which stirred up some controversy at The Lord’s University. According to the Deseret Morning News, the paper halted the ad campaign after complaints from students, professors and administrators who felt the slogan implied a desire to engage in “objectionable” behavior.

Many thought wearers of the clothing wished they could drink, smoke or have casual sex – but were prevented solely because of their membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Duh!

I’m sure if you did Jesus (the one Joseph Smith met) will ultimately forgive you anyway, ain’t that right Jesus (the one Joseph Smith met)?